We just celebrated 21 years of marriage. Woohoo!!!! These days, 21 years is almost unheard of. What is even more unnerving, are the numbers of people who stay in a marriage and are miserable. The one thing I can say about this (because I was in a miserable marriage), don’t stay in if it isn’t working, life is too short.
I have heard of several stories of couples who stay in a bad marriage because they have children. Why would you want your kids to live in an uncomfortable situation? Put in the effort to make it work or get out!! Marriage does take a lot of work and guess what, there are NO SECRETS. Its basic common knowledge, choose a mate you actually like, communicate with them, make time for each other, be intimate, and take care of yourself. In this post, I will give you my thoughts on how to keep your relationship healthy and happy.
Everyone wants a fairytale marriage and to live happily ever after. Communication is the single most important rule in any relationship. If you don’t communicate effectively from the very beginning of the relationship, it will most likely fail!
Talking face to face is the most effective way to communicate. Texting is ok, but it is subject to interpretation and often misused. If there is a breakdown in communication in a relationship, frequently it there will be some meltdown. Communication is a skill that is learned and needs a lot of practice.
Many couples struggle with healthy communication in marriage, especially about important issues or difficult topics. If there are several distractions such as work or children, overtime, the lack of a full communication flow dries up the passion and love between them.
My husband and I would have a destructive relationship if we didn’t get our alone time together. With four children and a business where he has to commute in a different city each week, it narrows down the time for us to even have a second to talk. Life is busy, and there are a lot of distractions, you must make time to be alone for your partner. Whether it is 2 hours to a coffee shop or an overnight in a hotel, you must make the time. Whatever it takes to get the alone time, hire a baby sitter, barter a service, figure it out. If you don’t like the alone time, then why are you together with this person??
If you have alone time, then you must take advantage of being intimate, yes, have sex. There will always be times when one person in the relationship wants to have sex, and the other doesn’t. One of the two may be too tired, want to catch up on a tv show, or just merely not in the mood. This behavior is very normal, but there needs to be a compromise between the two.
Since my husband and I have crazy schedules, we book “sex” dates in our calendar. I know it sounds so stupid, but this is where the effort comes in. While that may seem like the least sexy thing to do, knowing there’s a time designated for intimacy can help build arousal all day.
Most couples go through a sex boredom period. Same position, same environment, same same. You have to stir it up and get out of your comfort zone. Get a new piece of lingerie, buy some sex toys, or watch porn together. We are hardwired as humans to crave variety, surprise, and adventure. You must prioritize sex as much as any part of your relationship.
I think it is essential not to let yourself go after you get married, have children, or have been together for a long time. First and foremost, living a healthy lifestyle is always a good recipe for longevity emotionally and physically. If you eat healthy, exercise and take care of yourself, chances are you will look and feel good. Often we see one spouse let themselves go, which leads the other spouse to start looking the other way.
Physical attractiveness in a relationship is vital to both men and women. When people look for a romantic partner, they tend to choose someone they find is physically attractive to them. If the physical attraction lessens, then it is likely that sex becomes terrible, then the affection goes away, and equally, respect lessons as well. Don’t get lazy, keep yourself up, and be strong mentally and physically. You don’t need to spend a lot of money to keep yourself youthful and fresh. Make the time and effort to living your best life possible because you only have one time to do it!!
keeping it up at 51